In these (politically and social-media driven or) charged times, I have begun to feel the need to confront the multiple dichotomies that exist within me. I feel it’s not enough to only mouth what you think you should feel. It’s also not important to only talk about what one feels. It’s necessary, for me, to bring those two planes on the same level.
It’s important to acknowledge all the areas in my life where I might not actually do as I say. I have never felt it more strongly. The more I look around, the more I see this everywhere, and in everyone. Where everyone, including me, reads one set of facts and reaches another conclusion, that suit us individually perhaps. So what makes my right more right that of that person whose opinion I despise the most?
Some dichotomies that stand out more starkly that others I can’t spot yet:
- For the feminist in me who is not able to stand up and honestly state her opinion in social situations
- For the feminist in me who is not able to be charitable to women who have no patience for my way of thinking
- For the modern person in me who constantly wonders about her worth because she does not draw a conventional salary
- For the girl/woman in me who is able to help friends think about their bodies objectively (I think) but uses extremely hateful terms with herself (and has a continuous bad relationship with the mirror)
- For the friend in me, who is not able to call out other friends for their obvious disconnect
- For the writer in me, who is not able to shake off the feeling that I have been living on the surface
- For the friend in me, who can’t believe the friends who stuck with me and wonders about those who I thought I would be stuck with
The next step perhaps is trying to reduce the distance between these two persons.