Being selfish can be a good thing


“So I have freed myself to put me on the priority list and say, yes, I can make choices that make me happy, and it will ripple and benefit my kids, my husband and my physical health.”

This is a, indeed, a very powerful opinion. Especially because most women I know, my mother included, think they have to ‘dedicate’ their lives to their children, sometimes at the cost of what they want or like or even need.

I completely disagree. Mothers would be more valued in a family if they were happy doing what they were doing, rather than doing everything for the family, but resenting the family as a result.

I know keeping my mother calm and happy ensures we all remain talking and chilled at home. The day she is upset with anyone of us, the others suffer too.

And no, I do not think being a mother is necessary to know that being a mother should be one of roles and not the only role you play.


8 responses »

  1. Simran: At the risk of getting lynched, not a big Ayn Rand fan. And have realised conditioning has imbibed us with this feeling that putting yourself before anybody else is perhaps the worst sin. More, if you are mother.., as I observe.

  2. mmm.. Being amother for 34 odd years, I feel uncomfortable after reading your words. “Does she not speak the truth” asks my inner voice.

    Yes, It is better to be a happy mother, than a disturbed mother. (oscillating between sacrifice and selfish attitudes).

    This generation have the choices in motherhood . Which is a good thing, for all.

  3. Jayalakshmi: I guess it takes a lot to admit that things could have been done differently. It would be, perhaps, more important that when you help your children make that transition from a child to a parent, you could encourage them to pick the path that suits them the most.
    We do always pick the paths picked by our parents, but never because we know why it is the best path…

  4. Ofcourse. You are once again right.

    I had the sense , not to impose my mistakes on them. If they want children they will have them. If not , it is their decision.

    I would welcome a grand child anytime, but on their terms and their way of bringing up. No meddling from me please.

    The present generation is also lucky, we parents donot impose ourselves on their life.

    Aside: So the grudging sacrifices have not gone waste , I suppose. 🙂

  5. My first time here. Simran told me about your site. Talking of ‘sacrifices’ I must tell you something that recently happened in office. Two of us suggested a lunch at Intercontinental’s Kebab Corner. It is a pricey place so we just left the choice to the rest of the lunch group whether any one wanted to join us. The replies were not only ‘no’ but also ‘why’. Mostly because the ladies felt guilty enjoying an expensive lunch without their children!

    Are we not entitled to some enjoyment for ourselves too? Why is it that every act of pleasure should be justified? It is not as if these women do not spend on gold and diamonds. Almost all of them have more of both than the two of us who ‘suggested’, but we were made to feel guilty!

    Being a mother or a wife need not mean giving up being a woman/individual. Should it?

  6. Sunshinemom: Right you are! Why can’t the role of a mother be one of the many roles women have to play? Why does it have to become the be all and the end all? I do hope you’ll went to that kebab place after all. And welcome. Hope you come back.

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