I feel like a party pooper


Whenever anyone talks of happiness…it’s always.. make that effort.


But nobody says that for sadness, depression or any other emotion.. but when it’s happiness and optimism.. you have make that additional effort.


I don’t get it.. what’s with the effort? When it takes so much effort in trying to feel what should be naturally felt.. one never quite enjoys the sensation. I am so busy trying to feel better .. that I forget when I actually do.

I have some amazing friends who are always effervescent and don’t give up on their dreams and subscribe and implement this credo in their lives. I actually find it very hard.

I can’t make myself feel happy… is it like a character flaw?

I tried venturing into memories.. and recalled when was I happy..

When I was standing stop a mountain with the cloud in my face and smelling the blooms and listening to the..silence

or.. the day I got my car after numerous hiccups

or.. when I found Gaman songs on an audio tape in a small shop inCP

or.. when I realised..in a bittersweet fashion what love was

or.. Remingston Steel DVDs

or.. alfresco lunch at the women’s press club on wintry mornings.

or.. finding a smiling photograph of mine from the early days of school

or.. looking forward to the drive to work because my favourite CD is lined up and ready to play

AND when people say you have to be happy… I realise that I can’t be in that moment again and I can’t concentrate hard enough to bring that euphoria back.

So how do the others do it? Or are they that good at faking it..?

Edited to add:

The more I think about it.. the more the thoughts.. and I realised why I couldn’t be happy independently. I can’t be happy or even content knowing the people around me..the people who are mine.. are not happy.. irrespective of whether it is my doing or not. I cannot be happy when I have made a mistake..knowingly or unknowingly. I need to right it.. if it can be or right the consequences at least. That will help to acknowledge that I won’t make the same mistake again. Happiness or no happiness there will be some closure there.

And faking it isn’t doubting it.. its wondering what allows some people to do it..if at all…


7 responses »

  1. I wonder what the world has come to if every instance of being happy has to be scrutinized so hard for it being true or ‘fake’.

    When people say you have to try to be happy, I guess what they mean is that you have to make the choice. It’s not effort, it’s choice. And for some reason, in our age, we are so quick to equate the two.

  2. It may seem like a choice to you but it’s a very concentrated effort to me because if happiness comes at the cost of ignoring everyday realities, then it is an effort and not a choice.. or the choice is looking at things as you perceive them.. with only looking at things that make you comfortable or happy…you is a generic you here..
    but i guess these is a personal perception of looking at things. The world was always what it was.. the people who look at it change.

  3. It doesn’t ‘seem’ like a choice to me. It ‘is’ a choice to me…and to everyone else, I think. And true happiness doesn’t come at the expense of ignoring eceryday realities. That’s delusion.

    But isn’t it strange that people think of certain things as ‘everyday realities’ and other things as ‘lofty ingenues’? Of course, there is a personal perception to all this…what kind of perception isn’t personal?

    And because it’s personal, it’s subjective…and because it’s subjective, it’s a choice.

    But we are creatures of habit, fundamentally. You stay happy or sad long enough, you look for ways to remain that way. I think Richard Bach said that in..some book..the unlikely messiah or something…”Argue for your limitations and they are yours.” The lack of happiness or joy being a limitation…there’s always going to be a compelling reason to stay that way.

  4. I don’t know, blue…when you say that you cant be happy when people around you are sad…

    Maybe their being happy is an effect of you being happy, not a cause…

    In any case, many times, existence of sorrow doesn’t make a life sad..it’s a lack of purpose. Most of us are so spoiled for choices. We have so much and we do so little with it, and that …i don’t know..that gap between potential and actual is bound to catch up one day.

    My take on it is to get some exercise, nourishing food, and good sleep. It’s easier to be happy when you’re healthy.

    And come on..you seem to be doubting the very premise as to whether true happiness exists at all…If it’s a question, it’s valid. If it’s a judgment, it’s unfair.

  5. i have no idea. i swing wildly between happy and sad. i wish i knew what it were because then i’d happily pass the gem on to you. but i do know that the more i concentrate on little happinesses… .sunshine, feeding the babies… standing out on the balcony with a cup of tea and living in the moment.. the happier i feel. the moment i look at the larger picture it bothers me…

    okay sorry to do my introspection in your space. and i know what you mean abt having to make an effort to be happy. i agree that happiness should be effortless. and while you do have to make an ‘effort’ i thikn i tend to agree with mukta that its a choice almost, and not an effort

  6. Pingback: Musings « The Age of Aquarius

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s