Be strong, my little one.


In the last few weeks I have heard of at least three people who medically have “lost it”. This is not in the conventional way of losing it or the slang way that we use it. This is the serious “I am losing my balance and will need drugs to get the balance back” kinda way.

Its scary because one of them is someone very close to me. Nutty is word I wont use lightly anymore seeing how fraught she is. How scared she is. How appalled we are at not being able to help her. Or even reach her.

It’s not only her.. other early twenty somethings who couldn’t handle ‘it’ .. whatever it was. One part of me scoffs saying.. so what if low self esteem dodges you, listening to constant negatives, bad body perceptions, constantly worrying about expectations is slowly killing the spirit in you.. we’ve all been through it and while are not stellar examples.. we certainlyhave gotten through life? So why the heck is it so difficult for you?

But, on the other hand, when I look at her, I see eyes like a trapped animal, voice not coming out and a defensive posture, I wonder what out of all this has made her turn inward. I usually turn inward when I need strength but for she turns inwards and batters herself even further. She can’t make the distinction in being lonely and being alone. She has lost her ability to judge people and she cannot stop lying. And I wonder what caused it. She was a confident child who did not hesitate in speaking her mind. She was focused to a fault and passionate about causes.

Her friends share little nuggets with us.. and I realise that while I knew every person reacts differently to a situation, I thought this was a more opinion-related stance and not so much an actual life-altering decision. Today she’s become a shadow of her former self and nothing explains it to me.

In my previous job I had once encountered a girl who constantly demanded attention. She cried, lied, threatened to run away and even threatened suicide. I had to escort her home one day and that day I had realised how insidious and how unfortunate it is to have a neurological disorder.. even if it only behavioural.

I think of her then and think the more recent case, now and wonder where does one actually derive strength from. What makes me sure I won’t snap one day. Won’t go running down the road, screaming madly?


4 responses »

  1. Take her out for a drink, don’t stop at one. However frustrating the perveived weakness, don’t ask what’s wrong, don’t hector, and definitely don’t mock. Esp when you KNOW you’d rather live with the exasperation of not being confided in or being asked to help, than add to her troubles, whatever they be. Also, something to be said of silent support..nahi?

  2. For these very reasons, I think the Bell Jar is such essential reading for people of our times.

    But in cases of mental distress, I believe healing occurs once you HAVE reached rock bottom. It begins when a sense of liberation fills you up – that now, at this moment, from this point on – you have nothing more to lose.

    I do hope your friend gets better with time..and she will. I think our minds and souls are incredibly resilient.

  3. Right! this has happened to all of us!

    I can’t find an answer to your question though.

    However, what has kept me sane(So far, that is..there is never a guarantee!!) is a very happy childhood!

    And that is why, when I think about how I should bring up my child, I conclude that my child needs to be happy- everything else is secondary!!

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