I hate reading my old posts. I realise that until I accept the fact that even I can make mistakes which I will not spot immediately, I will not accept the same in others.
Sometimes all you need is for people around you to say it’s ok, do what makes you happy, even if it doesn’t make you rich.
Sometimes you need your loved ones to look at you and just once, not compare, discourage or rue.
Sometimes you want to sleep without telling yourself you are strong and can bear this uninterrupted tirade without letting your steps falter.
Sometimes you envy people who adhere to paths they chose and never regretted it.
Sometimes you wonder if fighting negative thoughts can be a full-time, paying job.
Sometimes you wish you could prevent your eyes going blank and your brain modulating your voice.
And almost always you want sometimes to be every time..
Hope this is not you.
It’s that time of the night when every sensation seems so amplified. Coming up to 3 am, reeling from the adrenaline rush from what seemed like a nightmare, I am up and staring at my blog. Wondering why no words have not come to my rescue in these last few weeks and even months.
Earlier today, when I was screaming at someone, I felt something inside me shift. I remembered the exact moment I turned around to scream. I could feel all this poison rise up, like a snake rearing its head, inside me. I kept telling myself I did not want to scream because I am rarely coherent when I am angry.
But this vicious snake-like sensation unfurled and I screamed my head out. Now I am awake, unable to sleep and wondering how does one not lose one’s temper.
Discovering the hard way that non-Marathis are better at translating matter into Marathi.
At work. For work.